Saturday, 7 June 2014
Not One Iota of F**k To Be Given!
So another birthday goes by ( in a suitably beer-flavored blur ) and with the passing of one more year of life I find myself giving one less iota of fuck about the opinions others may have of me or of the way that I do things. I mean, I stopped giving much of a fuck about all that a long, long time ago ( not that I ever was overly-concerned with what others were thinking of or about me ) but with every year older I get the negative balance of fucks given increases exponentially.
I doubt I would ever have been the kind to give much of a fuck but for sure the circumstances under which this tendency developed into an integral part of my makeup occurred early on in my life when, through events beyond our control in the 1970s, my folks and me had to move from the city to a small town. Unfortunately it turned out to be a small town which could have taken a starring role in any Stephen King novel…only minus the decency to be at least cool enough to be terrorized by a psychotic clown named Pennywise or infested with vampires. The evil of our small town was just as banal as most real evil is and grew largely from the twin roots of insularity and ignorance. For me, going to school there was a daily waking nightmare. Sometimes I think the only reason I got through it was that the whole experience quickly became fodder for my imagination and love of writing stories. Anyway, I spent years striving to get away from that small town and once I did, I spent more years scrubbing from memory all trace of that part of my past which had held little joy but altogether too much resentment and bitterness. Then one day, long after I’d left it behind and was just visiting my parents there, the one-time best friend of a girl who had spent every school day of our lives creating as much merry hell for me as she could get away with, buttonholed me on the street and began chatting away as though we had been the best friends. She particularly could not wait to inform me how that once BFF of hers had wound up spawning three kids to three different guys and super-sizing herself before the age of twenty-five. I realized two things that day: one, bullies really don’t recall that they were bullies, and there really is no point in either reminding them or holding a grudge over what they did to you; and two, that you really shouldn’t put too much stock in how others feel about you because there is nowt so fickle and wont to change as human feelings about other human beings. The person who was your best friend one day may indeed be your mortal enemy next day.
How ineffably sad. For them.
So you’re human. My, my. Imagine that. Now get the fuck over it. And yourself.