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Monday, 27 February 2012

The Bigots Anti-Gay Marriage Arguments...Answered!

It is a fact that the world has always been filled with bug-eyed salivating bigots who all seem to have an inordinate amount of time on their hands for getting all up in other folks’ business. These bigots particularly possess a fear of allowing LGBT folks to get hitched to one another. Because it’s all been getting a tad serious in here lately, I thought why not take a lighthearted look at the anti-gay arguments of the bigots that make least sense to sane people:

1. “ If we let gays get married, next thing you’ll have people wanting to marry their pet dog!”

Well, yes, I daresay there are people who want to marry their dog. Or their horse, or goat. But they could just as easily use the fact that heterosexuals are allowed to marry to push this canine marriage agenda. They don’t need us gay folks to add anything to that argument. Also, there are several universes of difference between two consenting adult human beings wanting to get wed to each other, and someone wanting to snare their poor unwitting German Shepherd into the institution. So, to those of you who use this argument against gay marriage, I can only say that you need to shut up and go the hell away because the lack of even the most basic logic in this argument gives me a serious headache.

2. “ Allowing gays to marry will destroy family values!”

Family values…let me see…You mean the “family values” of the three-time jailbird loser deadbeat absentee dad, and meth-addicted party-girl mom with six kids, all to different deadbeat dads and not quite sure which one belongs to whom because she was too far off her tits to notice who she was having sex with? Or maybe the you mean the “family values” of the Christian preacher who spends his Sundays spitting fire-and-brimstone from the pulpit and his Friday nights dressed in nothing but an adult-sized diaper and sucking on the boob-job of a $1000 hooker, which by the way, he pays for out of church funds, whilst his functioning alcoholic wife secretly beats her kids to vent her own frustrations? Are those the “family values” that you fear us gay folks destroying with our evil demands for marriage equality? Then, please, would you go join the morons who rave about people marrying dogs, before I get the urge to do some destroying of a different kind…with my shotgun.

3. “ If gays get married, the divorce rate will go up!”

Well, yes, the more marriages there are, the more divorces there can potentially be too. But what has this to do with gay marriage equality per se? Divorce has less to do with who is getting married than with insubstantial relationships and poor marriage skills in general, and sorry, but getting into relationships for the wrong reasons and possessing poor skills at staying married are not gay-exclusive. I think we know this already. So although this argument has some merit as a statement of fact, it’s still not substantial enough by far to use to block marriage equality. You who use it are only just excused from joining the above in Stupid Town but I’d advise that you think about what you’re saying, lest you find yourself being relocated there in the near future. Remember, it’s depressingly easy to graduate from argument-with-some-merit to totally-fucking-pointless-argument. The bigot-agenda can be very persuasive that way. Much more than us gay folks and our agenda.

4. “ If gay people get married, they’ll have gay children!”

This is sort of the modern-day equivalent of “If an old woman lives alone, and has lots of warts and cats, she must be a witch!” Sympathetic magic. Or simple-minded bullshit, as we would call it in the modern, enlightened world. Despite the glaring fact that nobody apparently told the heterosexual parents to stop having all those gay children, the bigots still insist on wheeling out this tired, superstitious old chestnut. I say take your witch-hunting nonsense and stuff it up your nether regions. If you can make room alongside the stick is already up there…Speaking of which, can I have my broomstick back, please?

5. “ It’s against God’s word!”

Ah, possibly my favorite of all the bigots’ out-there arguments. Interestingly, you can hear this one thundered out of a pulpit by that same preacher is spending church funds on hookers and his wife’s six-bottles-of-wine-and-a-lot-of-Johnny-Walker-a-day habit. You also tend to hear it used as a fallback position when some irksome twat like me has come along and shot down all their other arguments. “God’s word”, now, that would be the same God who deemed it okay to stone adulterers to death, right? Do we still do that in the so-called civilized Western world? Gee, I must be living in the wrong place then because I haven’t seen a good stoning for yonks. If we were to live by this “word of God” a great deal of modern Jewish men should also be summarily executed for wearing their hair in the wrong style. Tsk tsk! And much as I’m sure many women would love to just bugger off to a nice, relaxing arts commune once a month and not have to deal with demanding kids, lazy spouses, annoying bosses, and all that other everyday shit seems worse when you have PMS and are cramping like a bitch, this is the modern world and women have periods in it without being banished to the attic as “unclean”. So much for God and his all-important words then, apparently we can be as selective as we like about which of those we heed. So, “word of God” pundits…take thee off to a distant land and there get thee the fuck out of my wrongly styled hair.

So there you go, five of the bigot’s favorite arguments against gay marriage equality which hopefully one day will be put where they belong in the “You’ll Never Believe People Once Thought This!” section of the history books.

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