Opinions. Everybody Has 'Em.

Wednesday, 6 October 2010

My Ultimate Fantasy Monster-Slaying Army

If you could pick any movie, TV, book, comic characters to make up your own monster-slaying army, which would it be?

For me, first and foremost there would have to be Ash ( 'The Evil Dead' ). The man is an original and if you want someone to wield that chainsaw with some aplomb, look no further. I'd also want James Bond because he can make a flamethrower out of a cigarette lighter and some hair product. Without a skill like that you'd be up that messy brown creek if there were snakes, wouldn't you? Yeah. And there are always snakes. And still with the flamethrowers, Ripley ( 'Alien Quadrilogy' ) is another must for me. Not only is the woman a bit handy with a flamethrower, she used a payloader to chuck a big, nasty alien queen ( no, not Elton John ) out of an airlock. Since she's become super-clone Ripley I'd bet she could do some serious damage just by chucking a basketball at those ghoulies! I'd also like to have a slayer on hand for, well, slaying. Call me crazy ( won't be the first time anyone has, nor I suspect the last ) but I'd just feel a whole lot safer if it were rogue slayer Faith Lehane on my side rather than Buffy. Besides, Faith looks better in leather and one can never have enough nice things to look at in between lopping off all those zombie heads. What the heck, I might as well have some Willow too, just in case the army trips across a mad mage ( that means an angry wizard, not Madonna in a temper tantrum ) and need some quick spell-casting, and maybe a VanHelsing too, for the old-skool slaying touch. Speaking of things that look good, I reckon my army could do worse than include Kate Austen ( 'Lost' ) again just in case we found ourselves on some mysterious time-shifting island with bug-eyed men named Ben after us, or just fancied some coconuts. Hey, it could happen ... one minute you're staking cyber-vamps, the next you get that craving for fresh coconuts ... For sheer expertise in the arena of firearms and all things that go boom, I reckon I could do worse than have ex-spy Michael Westin and his trigger-happy girlfriend Fiona Glennane ( 'Burn Notice' ) along, and just in case the monsters are joined by human skin-wearing space lizards, I'd take Ham Tyler ( 'V' the original ) and Special Agent Erica Evans ( 'V' 2010 ), the latter just because she wears a thigh-holster very well and I do have my completely shallow moments. Finally, and this may sound like an odd choice so bear with me, I'd want Dr Cal Lightman ( 'Lie To Me' ) on my side. Hey, if I suspected my best friend had been taken over by the pod people and she was trying to convince me she was still human, I'd want Lightman there to tell me, " Nah, sod it. She's lying. I can tell by her eyebrows." He can bring his colleague Dr Gillian Foster along with him too. She's kinda handy with that psychology degree when she's let loose ... besides, she's cute and I'm sure I could find some use for her, even if it was just making the coffee.

So bring on the brain-eating zombies!!!

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